The recurring blindness in officialdom, combined with diarrhoea, vomiting, broken feet, and even a nasty burst of Tourette’s Syndrome at the end of the match by the Expatriate Lions, left the side feeling pretty sick after an excellent Kepong Chinese side brought their recent good run to an end.

Kick-off was delayed by half-an-hour to allow the thunder and lightning to disperse, expecially in the case of Steve White, who informed that not only was he scared of snakes, teddy bears and dinner ladies in pink tabbards, but petrifed of lightning. This decision by the referee also allowed Kepong to field a full side as only 6 were pitch-side at the agreed kick-off time of 5pm. Which was nice...

As things transpired, the pitch would go on to help The Lions, as on a perfect pitch, Kepong may well have run riot.

(ABOVE) Get two of everything on to the ark lads (2 bottles of vodka, 2 kebabs, 2 flippers)

The Lions were pretty much down to the bare bones themselves, without any substitutes except Sam McKinnon, who proudly showed off his broken toes to the side when he arrived.

And so to the pitch. It was heavy, really heavy. Hackney marsh rather than Hackney Marshes, pools of water lay strewn over the park, which was the biggest pitch The Lions had played on so far, which from the other end made big Davie Wood in goal look like Ronnie Corbet in his chair. Anyway *raises invisible glasses*.

The last cup game against Conn FC was probably the best referreed game The Lions have had to date, so against Kepong, expectations were high. Sadly the first 20 minutes of the match saw a Jalan Sahala as wave after wave of decisions went to the opposing side, which culminated in a ridiculous yellow card for the Leeds Loverman, Grayson.

The first half was a tense, tight affair. The central midfield pairing of White and Young were covering more surface area than Jools Laings' underpants, and the defence were keeping things tighter than Jools Laings' wallet. The Lions back four of Blundell, Jones, McMyler and Grayson held the line well and kept the opposition to long range efforts, not troubling Wood too much in goal.

Good work from midfield set up Sweeney for an effort on goal on 30 minutes, only for the frontman to pull his shot wide of the left post.

The most notable incident of the first half was on 35 minutes, which saw the awful sight of leading-scorer Mr Shaun Mr Shaun collapsing to the ground in the centre circle (followed by some minor convulsions). Players and manager Tom Flaherty hurried over to the Scot, who had been up the previous night with severe sickness. Sweeney was eventually led off the pitch and was treated to the cream of Malaysian medical care – he had a blanket put round his shoulders. Apparently he had just been told the price of the tab Messrs Grayson, Blundell and White had run up on his vodka account in the Skybar the night before...

(ABOVE) Was Shaun ill or just doing his best Homer Simpson breakdance impression or did lightning strike the striker?

Not long after, the whistle blew for half-time and The Lions proudly walked off at 0-0 in the knowledge that their opponents had won all 9 of their league and cup games so far this season, and had only conceded 4 goals while doing so.

HALF TIME: Kepong Chinese 0 - 0 The Lions

It must be noted that with this impressive record, getting any sort of result against Kepong Chinese was going to be difficult for The Lions, especially with ony 11 men.

The second-half initially picked up where the first left off, with few chances for each side. The Lions defence and midfield were so quick to close the Kepong side down that while they had a lot of possession in potentially good areas, they always preferred to test Davey Wood from distance, which invariably resulted in a goal-kick.

It was in the 50th minute, though, that the men from Kepong eventually got it right, and finally, superhero Wood was beaten.

There followed a period of ten minutes were both sides threatened and the game could have swung either way. Wood produced another couple of incredible stops, while a Lions corner was cleared back to Grayson who produced the ball of the day that narrowly missed the head of Bellotti and was glanced agonizingly wide by White.

Sadly, the Lions could not keep up the pressure and the Kepong midfield finally realised that passing the ball into the channels was going to cause their opponents more trouble than harmless pot shots from 30 yards, as a cocktail of Lions tiredness at the back and lightning Kepong pace up front began to open the floodgates.

3 goals were scored within 10 minutes to make the score-line look a lot worse than it should have given The Lions effort and discipline. However, but for Wood, it really could have been 8 or 9.

The last 5 minutes or so were largely meaningless, although there was one very unsavoury incident at the end when White played a delicious Cruyff-esque (he asked me to put that in and gave me 20 ringgit for my trouble) ball over the right back for Bellotti to run onto. The ‘Behemoth (or is it Beer-Moth) from Brighton’ was flagged for straying offside, but, incensed at the decision let forth a volley of swearing at the referee that turned the air blue.

Bellotti had a fair case, as he timed his run to start as White released the ball to perfection, so while to the naked eye it may have looked offside, he had actually worked it beautifully. Hence his frustration. However, there really is no excuse for calling respected officials those kinds of names. 'You should be f***ing ashamed of yourself you stupid c**t'. Luckily, the referrees and linesmen didn't speak Brightonish...

This was The Lions first loss in the Cup this season, and may have a bearing in which tournament they participate in when the knock-out stages commence, however, the performance suggests that the last 2 results were no mere flukes and that the Lions should be very confident of being able to maintain their push for promotion while having some fun in the cup. Perhaps even taking a few scalps along the way.

FULL TIME: Kepong Chinese 4 - 0 The Lions

Man of the Match – Neil 'Crazy Horse' Young (bet it's the first time he's ever heard that one). Great performance in the middle of the park against a classy outfit. Special mention should also go to Wood in goal, who kept the score down to single figures.

Tw@t of the Week – Matt Bellotti. C**t.